Remain With God: thoughts on a famous passage about marriage

1 Corinthians 7

vs. 17-22

 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God

According to my "tie the knot" app I have been married for 238 days, 20 hours and 6 min. People say this first year is the hardest. I have stopped listening to these "people" because I am almost positive that harder times are coming for our marriage. However, there have been some good times, and some hard times and I have learned a bunch during these past 238 days. Here are some examples: 

1) Like Marian Jordan said "Being married doesn't make you happy. It just makes you married" * Seriously. I am so glad I am married. But there are still some days that I am an unhappy person. Jake can't make that better. Our house, our shared closet or bed, our time together, this ring on my finger,  none of it makes me happy all the time. It's just evidence that I'm married all the time.

2) Being married does not automatically make you wiser or more talented. Raise your hand if you are single and have ever had a married woman talk to you like she knows more than you and has a right to give you advice on all areas of  your life just because she said "I do". Right. She is  lying to you.  I might know more about a few topics due to the fact that I have lived with a boy for the last 8 months but I didn't wake up the next day older, wiser, or suddenly an awesome wife.  

3) Marriage really is a ton of work. Both interpersonal and practical. It's work to make a home. To begin to build a marriage and to begin to create a comfortable place for us to live life together. Talking, Serving, Spending time together, Cleaning, Cooking, Groceries, Adapting, Decorating, Organizing, Learning, Teaching. It's all work. 

4) And Marriage is sanctifying. Being with Jake all the time shows me a lot about myself and a lot about him. We work with each other. It comes from constant community. 

5) Finally, NONE of these things are only learned in marriage. They can be seen from the outside and they can be seen in any community. The first two are givens and the and last two are just a result of living with another person. So... why do people get married?  Why get married at all? Should we even get married? 

There is a scene from the movie Pride and Prejudice that I just love! (I love the whole movie but really, i'll spare you an entire review of it). The dreaded cousin, Mr. Collins wants to marry Elizabeth. He comes in to propose and before he expresses his love to her he wants to make her aware of his reasons. "Firstly," he begins, "I am convinced it will add greatly to my happiness" no matter how many times they are told marriage will not make them happy, people say it will. They really think it will. It won't. "Secondly, it is the duty of a clergyman to set the example for marriage in his parish." People think that it is their christian duty to get married and have a family. They might not say it, but don't they feel like they are less of a believer if they aren't a wife or mother? "Finally, it is at the urging of my esteemed patroness, Lady Deburg, that I select a wife." People feel pressure from their church, friends and family to settle down.

I don't think these are good reasons to get married. But then again, What is a good reason to get married? I'm not sure. But, I had  professor in college tell me, "Run the race hard after God. Set your eyes forward. And if you happen to look around at some point and see there is someone running alongside you, well then you might as well run the race together." **  Maybe that is the key. Headlong after Jesus. Always. Only, sometimes, we get the specific companionship of a spouse.

Ok, getting back to I Corinthians 7. This a famous passage where Paul addresses marriage, divorce and singleness. Remember, he was talking to a church full of self-indulgence and immorality. He as a lot of suggestions for married and single life but the point of all them is to better serve the Lord.  I pulled out the versus above because I think that they are relevant to everyone married or single. "Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." Today you find yourself in a specific place in life. Are you living in that place?  Or are you trying to live somewhere else? There are a lot of people that talk about marriage and singleness as gifts. You might have the gift of singleness they say. But instead of worrying about which gift you have what if you lived today where you are. "So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God". Remain with God. I love that phrase. Live that moment in that day, with God. I find it so much easier to live with Jake, or coworkers, or friends, than with God. What would my marriage look like if today I remained with God? 

Later in verse 35 of the same passage Paul is talking about remaining single and he says, "I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." Paul tells believers that if they are not married it is better for them to stay that way. But he doesn't say it to be restrictive but rather because he is aware that the goal of our lives is undivided devotion to the Lord. That's the point. What does that look like in your life? How are you doing the work of the Kingdom where you are? Depending on where the Lord has placed us, in each season, this looks different. But though our lives may look different, the goal of it remains the same. Serve the Lord. 

It's so easy to get distracted by our daily lives. Work, kids, groceries, friends, family, marriage, dating, not dating, school. All of it is part of the life the Lord has assigned to us. How are you serving they Lord in these things? Leave a comment for me and share some ways that you are leading the life He has given you for His Kingdom.  My prayer for myself and of you is that today we would remain with God, in undivided devotion to the Lord, for our good and His glory.

* From Wilderness Skills for Women: How to Survive Heartbreak and Other Full-Blown Meltdowns  (A book I highly recommend for married and single women. Actually I recommend this author. period.) 

** From a Marriage and Family class taught by Dr. Brian Moulton at San Diego Christian College. Good man of God.  

A Hard Conversation

1 Corinthians 5:1-12

"It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father's wife. And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you. For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord. Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?"

Have you ever had a hard conversation coming with a person and you put it off and put it off and avoided them because you just had no idea what you were going to say? That as been me with this post. I'm sitting down to a conversation with my readers about church discipline. A conversation I have stayed away from because this passage really kicked me in the pants. Even now, as I begin to write, I'm not really sure where this is going to go. But it is getting in the way of moving on. So here we go:

I think that it is very hard to ignore the practical application of this passage in corporate worship. What I mean it that, though some churches do not touch this with a thirty-foot-pole, when you read this there is not doubt that a person who is unrepentant of their sin should no longer be allowed to worship as part of the family. Some churches, like the Corinthians, do not like this idea. They would rather love everyone. They would rather be accepting and not judge. They don't want to seem closed minded so they they close their eyes instead. But, I was reminded in a sermon by John Piper that, Christ is not divided. Titus 2:13-14 tell us that "[Jesus] gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works."  You can not separate the pardoning of Christ from the His purifying. 

Now for the hard part. Let's apply our personal life today. In a world of cell phones and social media. Where you don't have to see a person daily to call them friend. You don't have to attend church with them to be aware that they claim to know Christ. You don't have to take communion with them to be their brother. How does this play out? Do we personally cut off association with them, loving them enough to say may God open your eyes? Or do we love them from afar, preaching the gospel when possible as often as possible, hoping the Spirit moves? I don't know. I don't have an answer. I sit here and my heart is like a pendulum. Back and forth. Back and forth. I'm a part of the global church, but how do you carry this out without a local body? I will continue to be in prayer on this one. Maybe I'll have an encouraging update to it soon.... May the Lord reveal His will on this one. For our good and His glory. 

EUREKA!

The last few post-college months have been a time of self-discovery for me. I knew this would be the case, as per the forewarning from multiple of my elder friends. And, as new discoveries tend to be historic events, I felt I would take note of a few of the memorable ones here for you:

1) It is the taste of coffee not caffine that I am addicted to.
I find this quite exciting because now I can partake of my daily cup (or 3) of coffee without guilt or fear of dependency

2) I find working out enjoyable. 

Mustering the motivation to get up off my couch and go to the gym is difficult, but the actual act of  working, sweating, and the inevitable soreness I experience is not nearly as loathsome as I once imagined it to be.

3) People are my hobby.
Not in the creepy, stalker, gossipy way. But in the "I am motivated by and find worthwhile the act of investing into eternal souls for the glory of the Kingdom" kind of way. I don't enjoy crafting, cooking, reading, shopping or any "normal" hobby past times the way I enjoy being with people

4) I am unfortunately NOT  a blogger. 

This does not mean I will stop blogging. Mearly, that I have found taking time to stop and record my mind is not a priority to me. This blog is in many ways cathartic and edifying, but I have difficulty  setting aside time to make sense of my muddled mind in order to post. And, I still feel that there are many people far more interesting than myself and I prefer to read their blogs rather than write my own.

I began this blog to document the things I am learning during this time of transition. #4 on my list of self-discoveries is a bit of a hidden lever for me. Pull on it and a secret passage into the deep underlying issued of heart creeps open and down into the rabbit hole we go. For, I find that is really symptom of a lack of self-discipline.  It is not just blogging I fail to set time aside for (on the grand-scale of life, blogging is not the important). I fail to spend quality time with the Lord daily, to pray for the people and things important to me, to do the projects I have committed,  and to pour into the lives of those who matter to me. I give half-baked effort to the things in my life that are most edifying, encouraging and honoring to the Lord because it is far easier to focus on me, money, fun, food, sleep, and leisure.
Still, I am encouraged as I process in writing this inward reflection. When I was younger I committed to memory 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, "for God gave us as Spirit not of fear but of power, love and self-control." What a beautiful verse to recall as I dwell on my failings in discipline. The same God that chose me, died for me, called me, and saved me. Gives me His Spirit of power, love and self-control in order to live in a manner worthy of being His disciple for my good and His glory.