Sunday, August 21, 2011


When i was a little girl i was joined in bed each night by a smattering of stuffed animals. My white cat, a doll or two, and more than a few beanie babies were neatly heaped at the foot of my bed as close to the edge as i deemed safe. They were perfectly placed ready to bid me goodnight. Close enough that i felt them near but not invading my precious sleeping space. Being that this was their appointed station,  i was happy to report that they were obedient little toys and did not move from it. 
One evening my mother came in to tuck me in. Noticing that my stuffed animals had not budged in quite some time, she decided to try a little experiment. 
    "Would you be alright with us moving this one just over here?" she asked as she plucked my cat from its niche and tucked it near the corner.
*a moment or two of very profound contemplation*
    "I guess that would be okay."
In reality, this was not okay. Not one bit. I just knew that i would not be able to fall asleep with things in such disarray.  And the moment my mom left the room i hastened to put everything back into its proper place. 

I... am... a control freak. There i said it! And i tell this story because today i find myself back in that bed fighting for order. In the past few days I have had the "last day" at three separate jobs. Tomorrow i begin my new job as a barista. And i'm afraid. I hate really really hate the unknown. It is dark and uncomfortable and i have no idea what is out there. And yet, in the midst of the fear, i hear the Lord saying to me Shema. Hear. Hear Me. Know Me. 

"Hear (Shema), O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart." 
Deuteronomy 6:4-6

God spoke these words to Israel as they were about to enter the Promise Land. He had just brought them out of the oppression of Egypt and He is about to hand to them all the blessings of His promise to their father Abraham. He goes on to tell them that they are to bind these words on their clothes and their doors and they are to talk about them all the time with everyone. When they receive blessings they did not earn they are to remember God. And when they move forward into the life He has laid out for them they are to recall who He is and what He has done and thereby, to keep Him ever before their hearts. 
Though i don't know what is to come in the next few months (or years) i can look back at God's faithfulness to call me out of the slavery to sin and into the immense blessing of His marvelous light and i can hold on to hope for the future. I can look forward to the assurance of life that I have in Christ Jesus, a blessing i did not earn but He earned for me. And, i can know that He is good and He is true and He will not disappoint for He will always offer the beauty of Himself. I pray in the days ahead He will continue to remind me of Himself. And i will walk in faith for my good and His glory.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Today I Conquered...

an insecurity. You see, i've never really believed that i was worthy to blog. I figured there were enough people out there typing up their every notion and sending it out into the void to be read by, well... no one.

But i am a recent college graduate working in the coffee buzz. And though that may not seem like much of a reason to begin a blog... for me, it changes everything. Because right now, everything in my life is changing. I live in a new house, with a new job, and a new routine. I no longer attend college, nor do I live in the same zip code as my boyfriend. The sphere of those that influence me is shifting as well as that of the people i influence. And, for the first time in years, i live in the same state as my parents, yet my youngest sisters are just beginning to wander out on their own.  The reality that nothing will remain the same seems to be waiting around every corner just waiting for me to turn so it can pop out shouting boo! and giggling as i start with fear.

and still... in the midst of what i feel is best described as turbulent, i feel secure. I know that " all these things we are more than conquerors...." (Rom. 8:37).  I know that my days will be spent conquering this temperamental life through Jesus Christ. As emotional as that reason may be it is the truth. I felt that as i delve into this new year, i may have a thought or two or a revelation or five in my walk with the Lord that would be edifying for me to process and encouraging for someone to read. May this exploration in my thoughts & theology be for our good and His glory.