Remain With God: thoughts on a famous passage about marriage

1 Corinthians 7

vs. 17-22

 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God

According to my "tie the knot" app I have been married for 238 days, 20 hours and 6 min. People say this first year is the hardest. I have stopped listening to these "people" because I am almost positive that harder times are coming for our marriage. However, there have been some good times, and some hard times and I have learned a bunch during these past 238 days. Here are some examples: 

1) Like Marian Jordan said "Being married doesn't make you happy. It just makes you married" * Seriously. I am so glad I am married. But there are still some days that I am an unhappy person. Jake can't make that better. Our house, our shared closet or bed, our time together, this ring on my finger,  none of it makes me happy all the time. It's just evidence that I'm married all the time.

2) Being married does not automatically make you wiser or more talented. Raise your hand if you are single and have ever had a married woman talk to you like she knows more than you and has a right to give you advice on all areas of  your life just because she said "I do". Right. She is  lying to you.  I might know more about a few topics due to the fact that I have lived with a boy for the last 8 months but I didn't wake up the next day older, wiser, or suddenly an awesome wife.  

3) Marriage really is a ton of work. Both interpersonal and practical. It's work to make a home. To begin to build a marriage and to begin to create a comfortable place for us to live life together. Talking, Serving, Spending time together, Cleaning, Cooking, Groceries, Adapting, Decorating, Organizing, Learning, Teaching. It's all work. 

4) And Marriage is sanctifying. Being with Jake all the time shows me a lot about myself and a lot about him. We work with each other. It comes from constant community. 

5) Finally, NONE of these things are only learned in marriage. They can be seen from the outside and they can be seen in any community. The first two are givens and the and last two are just a result of living with another person. So... why do people get married?  Why get married at all? Should we even get married? 

There is a scene from the movie Pride and Prejudice that I just love! (I love the whole movie but really, i'll spare you an entire review of it). The dreaded cousin, Mr. Collins wants to marry Elizabeth. He comes in to propose and before he expresses his love to her he wants to make her aware of his reasons. "Firstly," he begins, "I am convinced it will add greatly to my happiness" no matter how many times they are told marriage will not make them happy, people say it will. They really think it will. It won't. "Secondly, it is the duty of a clergyman to set the example for marriage in his parish." People think that it is their christian duty to get married and have a family. They might not say it, but don't they feel like they are less of a believer if they aren't a wife or mother? "Finally, it is at the urging of my esteemed patroness, Lady Deburg, that I select a wife." People feel pressure from their church, friends and family to settle down.

I don't think these are good reasons to get married. But then again, What is a good reason to get married? I'm not sure. But, I had  professor in college tell me, "Run the race hard after God. Set your eyes forward. And if you happen to look around at some point and see there is someone running alongside you, well then you might as well run the race together." **  Maybe that is the key. Headlong after Jesus. Always. Only, sometimes, we get the specific companionship of a spouse.

Ok, getting back to I Corinthians 7. This a famous passage where Paul addresses marriage, divorce and singleness. Remember, he was talking to a church full of self-indulgence and immorality. He as a lot of suggestions for married and single life but the point of all them is to better serve the Lord.  I pulled out the versus above because I think that they are relevant to everyone married or single. "Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." Today you find yourself in a specific place in life. Are you living in that place?  Or are you trying to live somewhere else? There are a lot of people that talk about marriage and singleness as gifts. You might have the gift of singleness they say. But instead of worrying about which gift you have what if you lived today where you are. "So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God". Remain with God. I love that phrase. Live that moment in that day, with God. I find it so much easier to live with Jake, or coworkers, or friends, than with God. What would my marriage look like if today I remained with God? 

Later in verse 35 of the same passage Paul is talking about remaining single and he says, "I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." Paul tells believers that if they are not married it is better for them to stay that way. But he doesn't say it to be restrictive but rather because he is aware that the goal of our lives is undivided devotion to the Lord. That's the point. What does that look like in your life? How are you doing the work of the Kingdom where you are? Depending on where the Lord has placed us, in each season, this looks different. But though our lives may look different, the goal of it remains the same. Serve the Lord. 

It's so easy to get distracted by our daily lives. Work, kids, groceries, friends, family, marriage, dating, not dating, school. All of it is part of the life the Lord has assigned to us. How are you serving they Lord in these things? Leave a comment for me and share some ways that you are leading the life He has given you for His Kingdom.  My prayer for myself and of you is that today we would remain with God, in undivided devotion to the Lord, for our good and His glory.

* From Wilderness Skills for Women: How to Survive Heartbreak and Other Full-Blown Meltdowns  (A book I highly recommend for married and single women. Actually I recommend this author. period.) 

** From a Marriage and Family class taught by Dr. Brian Moulton at San Diego Christian College. Good man of God.  

Feeling Crafty

I usually have Saturdays off work. Most of the time, I get up early and make Jake a hot breakfast (this is the only "real" breakfast he gets all week) and then I go about my day, or go back to sleep. This week I decided I would spend the day pampering myself. I was going to take a bath, do my nails, take some real time on my hair etc. It was a great plan! Until I got on Pinterst. Looking at all the great homes, I decided that I really REALLY wanted to craft. I had all these great ideas and I wanted to make them a reality.

So I told Jake I was going to make a mess of house, but promised it would look pretty when I was done, and I headed out for supplies. Home Depot for some wood, painter's tape and hardware. Michael's for paint and decorative wire. Home Depot was extra special since I measured the space I wanted the piece of wood for, but forgot to measure my car. Seriously, don't forget to measure your car. A 5 ft X 3 ft piece of wood is not going to fit in your little chevy cobalt sedan. Figure it out. Well, I did figure it out and finally got home to get to work. A week later I am now finished with my projects and here are the results:

Inspiration: 

I saw this picture on Pinterest about a week ago and fell in love with it! You can see the full tutorial of this DIY chevron canvas here. I wanted something a little more uniform though and this is what i came up with. 

Mine: 

I love how this came out! I used a thing piece of panelling instead of a canvass because it was much cheaper. A 4X8 ft piece was only about $10. They cut it to size and you keep the extra pieces. The hardest part... the taping. For a perfectionist like me, it was a nightmare. It took an entire movie ("The Help" great movie!!!!) just to tape it. I almost gave up but, in the end, I let go and allowed for imperfections. Mixing the paint was an adventure as well. I decided to go with three colors. White, grey, and a teal. The fading isn't perfect but i'm a fan of variety and blue/teal we have in our grey and white bedroom. 

Taping and Painting: 

Still getting used to the Chevron and Floral mix: 

Next I wanted to make some frames of the living room. We had a large empty frame left over from our wedding and I wanted to do something cool with. So I strung some wire across the empty space and painted clothes pins to add some color. The clothes pins look black here but are actually a deep blue that matches our couch pillows. 

Hanging above our couch: 

That's my god-daughter Emilee Ann. She's perfect: 

I'm also working some frames to house pictures of our family. The Wilhelm side, The Thomson side and us The newly established Wilhelms. They are a work in progress. 

Finally, I wanted something for the empty call in our dining room. The space has been glaring at me since we moved in and I felt it was time to fix it. 

A few pretty pieces: 

These were inspired by something I saw at Target. I loved the pinwheels and wanted to paint them to match the living room. However, I didn't want to spend the $20 on plastic pieces so I made them from paper instead. They are a mustard yellow, deep blue and gold. The gold is really close in color to the yellow but I love the subtle shine. I cut Trader Joes bags into strips and accordion folded them. Then glued the end to end. Then I fanned them out into a pinwheel. I glued a thumb tack on the back and painted them.  ( The paint job is messy. I like that up close you can tell they are painted paper.)  Finally, I tacked them to the wall in a pattern I liked. 

Time consuming but worth it: 

 

Loving the end result:

In the end,  I'm really happy with how things turned out. I think they add a nice touch to my home. I love having a bit of color in our white apartment. I think that the management might regret telling us we can put holes in the walls. And I know they will be unhappy about the paint spots on the carpet.  But I'm happy we can make our small space feel like home. I'm grateful for what we have and pray that we continually use it for our good and His glory. 

Under Control

1 Corinthians 6:12-20

 “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never!  Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

We all have idols in our lives. Things that we put in the place of God. We worship them. We are willing to sin in order to have them. We are, in fact, idol factories. Take away one, and more often then not, you will replace it with another. It is a lot easier to point out other people's idols than our own. I bring up this because as I read through this passage, and contemplated what I was going to to write about it, I came to a realization about an idol that plagued the Corinthian church. And no. Not Sex. Control. The Corinthians were just like me. Control Freaks. (You can read about my control issues here.)  They wanted to be in complete control of their surroundings with absolutely no personal accountability. Ask any control freak and they will tell you (if they are self aware) that the harder they try to control the world around them, the less they want to be under control. 

Here is what I'm talking about... what God continues to convict me of: 

- We already know from the earlier parts of Paul's letter that the Corinthian church had issues of division and quarreling. And isn't it true that we argue and alienate because we think we know best? We want everyone to live according to our standards  and our directions. Paul told the church that "the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men" (1 Cor. 1:25). He wants them to know that no matter what they think of others or how they think the church should be run, sovereignty belongs to God alone. 

- We also are being told that for all their desire to tell others what to do, the members of this church don't want anyone to tell them whats up! One commentator suggested the the phrase "All things are lawful for me" was a sort of motto for Corinthian culture. You may know this idea better as "YOLO". These are the words the Corinthian world lived by. NO ONE is my master! I do what I want! All things are lawful for me! But Paul comes back to remind the church "I will not be dominated by anything" and "your bodies are members of Christ". When we live according to our desires we give in to the lie they will satisfy. Then we make our wants our gods, and we are slaves to them rather than being our own masters.  

- For me it looks like this: I know how everyone else should live their life.  It would glorify  the Lord and bring them closer to Him if they would read, pray and do the work that needs to get done today. But I'm so tired and lonely. I think it would make me happy to sit on the couch, binge on Netflix and Oreos and check out Pinterst for oh... about 6 hours. I'm not saying all those things are bad. But they will end one day. And in the moment I am turning to them to satisfy my need for meaning. Only God is everything I need all the time. 

Ok wrapping it up. I see in myself and the Corinthian church a desire to have life on my terms. I know what's best. I know how things should go, but please. OH PLEASE! Do. Not. Try to tell me how to live my life.  I will judge the world, but only God will judge me. And you know what? Even then I will give in to whatever desire wants to control me. "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price." The price is the blood of Christ. Shed so that my sin, my stubborn lack of self-control, could be made right before the Holy One. "So glorify God in your body" He paid for my life. He brought me into right relationship with Himself. He promises to be the thing that will satisfy me FOREVER! May I live my life turning from the sins that ensnare me and freely seeking His all-satisfying face... for my good and His glory. 

Wise Counsel

1 Corinthians 6:1-11

"When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers! Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God"

I read this passage for weeks, thinking and thinking about what I wanted to say on it, and I came back to one work: WISDOM. As saints, we are blessed with salvation throughout the person and work and Jesus Christ. What's more (yes! incredibly there is more) God also grants us the gift of the Holy Spirit. In Ephesians the Spirit is called a deposit. An evidence of the promise from God to keep and purify us until we are with Him in glory. The Spirit is our helper, our guide, our friend, ever present in times of need. And, the Spirit produces fruit in our lives. We can live a life that honors the Lord because He has given us the ability to do so. WISDOM is one of the characteristics of the Spirit within us. Paul tells the church that they will judge the world and angels and are able to judge each other. The WISDOM to do so does not come from their natural understanding (Paul told them already that none of them are inherently wise) but from the presence of the Spirit within them. 

I was considering how the passage applies to my life. I have no need to sue anyone. I don't desire to take any of my friends court. I don't need retribution for wrongs or the need for someone to deliver to me what they owe me.  But often I find myself in need of guidance.  There are so many times that I could use WISDOM on practical matters. Things like how should I respond to my friend? or Jake and I can't decide how to handle this matter in our marriage... or maybe someday it will be how do I discipline my child in this area? 

First and foremost the scriptures makes it clear that we should take these questions to the Lord. Ephesians 6: 18 tells us to "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests".  We do have the Holy Spirit within us and have the ability to hear from Him on these matters. BUT I believe it is also important to seek the counsel of others. "The way of the fool seems right but a wise man listens to advice" Proverbs 12:15. The question that this passage in 1 Corinthians addresses so clearly is one of where to seek counsel from. As a proud and stubborn woman, I am guilty of going to the first person who I think will agree with me. Believer or not, I just want someone to take my side. But  Paul asks here "Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers?"  There is a body of believers who are also full of the Spirit of God. Could it be that one of them has been granted by the Spirit wisdom I need in any given area of my life? 

My prayer for myself is that I would turn first to the Lord, and then to His people. That would trust the working of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. They may be able to see clearly where I can not. And may these actions bring about in the body of Christ a unity through His Spirit that will work in this world for our good and His glory. 

My Big Sister

This is my big sister. And today is her birthday. And let me tell you, you all wish you had a big sister like her. 

I have plenty of stories about Anna. Stories about her hate of spiders, stories about her impeccable fashion sense, stories about driving with her, stories about the epic battles we fought both against and alongside each other. There is the time she got in trouble because I decided to run away. The time she left me in that dark hallway all by myself so that the ghosts would get me while she was safe in the bathroom. I love the one about how she took me down to San Diego when I started college. And I will never forget  that she called me up and surprised me the day after I got engaged. She drove 4+ hours just for the chance to celebrate a new a chapter in my life for an evening. We are have not always been the best of friends, but I can tell you, I have learned so much from being Anna Thomson's little sister. (I use the name Thomson because for the majority of our sisterhood we were Thomsons. She is now Quinn and I, Wilhelm. But we are united in the family Thomson) 

In tribute to one of the greatest teachers God has given me, I will pass on some of the knowledge that life with Anna imparted.... 

Things I learned from Anna: 

1) Going Second is Always Simpler.

you get the chance to see someone else do it first. you follow in their footsteps or take an easier path. i would not have lead the life i did had i been the first born. anna, i am forever in your debt.

2) Just Adore Her

you may not always understand why someone is the way they are. but love them. see the good. give grace to the bad. anna has always accepted me the way i am. even when it makes things harder for her. i have never wondered if she loved me. i know she adores me. the love of someone near to you can give you so much confidence in life. just adore them and watch how they will soar. 

3) "Let Your Level of Intimacy Match Your Level of Commitment"

i remember the moment i heard anna say this. laying in bed as we talked about boys. but i carry it with me still. don't give more of your heart than you have committed to that person. or they have committed to you. relationships take time to gain depth. allow that time. 

4) You've Kinda Gotta Roll with the Crazy

life does some insane things. goes places you didn't know it would. it can be beautiful. it can also be hard. very hard. sometimes you go crazy along with it. i have watched my big sister go through some amazing things. she has so much grace for others. i love when she has grace for herself. she lets go and rolls with the punches. crazy looks good on her. and i'm proud of the woman she is. 

5) We're Quite Entertaining

if nothing else, i love to laugh with my sisters. i mostly just watch them be entertaining. this kind of goes with the crazy thing. they are nuts. but they are so much fun to be around. i am glad i never experienced one day of my life without my sister anna. she make it so fun! the A-Team would have been lost with out the ring-leader of our circus.

Anna, 
Happy Birthday! I love you so much! Thanks for being my sister. For being one step ahead. Showing me the way. For all you've taught me. For loving me. For laughing with me (and at me). You're pretty much the coolest person I know. 
Love, 
Abigail  

A Hard Conversation

1 Corinthians 5:1-12

"It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father's wife. And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you. For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord. Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?"

Have you ever had a hard conversation coming with a person and you put it off and put it off and avoided them because you just had no idea what you were going to say? That as been me with this post. I'm sitting down to a conversation with my readers about church discipline. A conversation I have stayed away from because this passage really kicked me in the pants. Even now, as I begin to write, I'm not really sure where this is going to go. But it is getting in the way of moving on. So here we go:

I think that it is very hard to ignore the practical application of this passage in corporate worship. What I mean it that, though some churches do not touch this with a thirty-foot-pole, when you read this there is not doubt that a person who is unrepentant of their sin should no longer be allowed to worship as part of the family. Some churches, like the Corinthians, do not like this idea. They would rather love everyone. They would rather be accepting and not judge. They don't want to seem closed minded so they they close their eyes instead. But, I was reminded in a sermon by John Piper that, Christ is not divided. Titus 2:13-14 tell us that "[Jesus] gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works."  You can not separate the pardoning of Christ from the His purifying. 

Now for the hard part. Let's apply our personal life today. In a world of cell phones and social media. Where you don't have to see a person daily to call them friend. You don't have to attend church with them to be aware that they claim to know Christ. You don't have to take communion with them to be their brother. How does this play out? Do we personally cut off association with them, loving them enough to say may God open your eyes? Or do we love them from afar, preaching the gospel when possible as often as possible, hoping the Spirit moves? I don't know. I don't have an answer. I sit here and my heart is like a pendulum. Back and forth. Back and forth. I'm a part of the global church, but how do you carry this out without a local body? I will continue to be in prayer on this one. Maybe I'll have an encouraging update to it soon.... May the Lord reveal His will on this one. For our good and His glory. 

I love you California

I want to make it perfectly clear that I am overjoyed with my Arizona life. God has blessed me here with a good husband, a godly church, and a wonderful family. I find myself throughout my day looking around and wondering how I got so lucky. And I am so grateful for the way the Lord has made our simple life here in Tucson such a joy to lead.

All that to say, today my heart is aching for California. I am happy to jump head long into this life here in AZ provided that I am allowed to leave that not-so-little CA shaped piece of my heart on the coast. A few weeks ago, my big sister, Anna,  and her husband came to stay at the Wilhelm home. It was such a pleasure having them here. I love my big sister. She is my hero and always has been. I look up to her because (as I have told many people on multiple occasions) she is basically the coolest person I know. Anna married David. He graduated from USC. Jake loves the U of A. So of course they came out to visit on the weekend USC and U of A football faced off. We went. Arizona won. It was a blast!

Here, you can see what should have been a harsh rivalry between my sister and I. All morning I stayed true to my husband. I bought the Arizona shirt. I wore it proudly. And for the first quarter of the game I rooted whole heartedly for the home team. Then, USC began to fall behind. The team my family cheered for my whole life was in trouble. And as the U of A running back began to gain some ground, 2 yards... then 5 yards...  now 10... heading for 15, I felt my fists clench, my breath caught in my chest and out of my mouth, whispers betrayed me. "Get him... Take him down!". These words came out under my breath, too quiet to be noticed. But Jake doesn't miss a thing. He looked at me as if I were uttering heresies. And, it was at that moment, that we both knew my blood was not blue, but cardinal and gold. GO USC! The rest of the game I tried to straddle the line and cheer both teams on, but I was defeated when Arizona won. My heart belongs to Southern California, it's in my blood. 

I tell this story because today as I sit in my home and I look at pictures and posts of my friends and family getting ready to celebrate Christmas in Cali, I am tearing up. It's not that I want to go back. Or that I wish I was not in AZ. It is simply that I miss you all. I don't think I can ever stop being  a California girl. And to my family in Santa Clarita (and Simi) and my friends in San Diego, to the beach, to the sun that shines different over CA, to the food, to the fast pace, and even to the freeways, today I have you on my mind. So, simply put, in truth, I love you California. 

A Few of My Favorite Things

I have had so much fun making a home for Jake and I...

Welcome to the Wilhelm house.  It's a small apartment but we love it!

I love being in my kitchen. The little bits of color make me happy
 to be making yummy things. 

Having fresh flowers on our table is a must. It makes the room feel like home.

We have an orange couch. So, I decided to just go with a fun mix
of colors and styles in our living room. 

Jake needs a study. I wanted to add a touch of masculinity to the spare room.
 

Our study is also the guest room. I took a plain wood headboard and
re-worked it to fit into a more old-world style.

This room might be my favorite haha. But really I feel so pretty here
and the colors are so soft. 

Our room is work in progress. But I'm so happy with the end tables
and that lamp is chalk so I can write notes and verses for Jake to wake up to.

**Thanks for checking out our home. Stay tuned tomorrow I'll be posting on what the Lord is teaching me in 1 Corinthians this week.**